Chaandyancha Paaus

Aaj ratri,

jewha tu zopshil na..

Tevha chaandyancha paaus yenaar ahe..

Aaplya jagaat alyaawar,

tya chaandnyancha davbindu honaar ahe..

raatra tya davbindula tujhyasathi thaambavun thewel..

hirvya hirvya gavata var,

tyanna ti basavun thewel..

baagetlya tya gulaabaawar kahi tushaar astilach..

tu baghaaela jaashil tar tula baghun te hastilach..

"aata aamhi jaaela nighaalo,tumhi aata aalat!" ase te mhantil..

mag surya ugawel..

Paakhra jaage hotil..

Suryakiran yeun davanna aaplyaa paathiwae basavtil..

anantaatun aalele davbindu anantaat virun jaatil..

anantaat haravlyawar,

davabinduchya punhaa chaandnyaa hotil..

kashaala?

Arey!

udya tu zoplyaawar,

punhaa chaandnyancha paaus honaar nahi ka?

mhanun.

mag aata shaant zop.

good night :)

Sometimes

Kadhi Kadhi....

asa hota....

Ki jya vyaktila tumhaala sagla kahi saangaycha ahe,

Tya vyaktisobat bolaela tumchya javal kaahich urat nahi.

Kadhi Kadhi....

asa hota...

Ki tya vyakti chya chaanglya pana war bhaalun...

Tumhi tya vyakti warach bhaalun jaata....

Kadhi Kadhi....

asa hota...

ki ti vyakti, jichyawar tumhi jeev ovaalta,

tyaach vyaktila tumchi bhiti waatu laagte..

Kadhi Kadhi...

Vyakta karaela fakt ekach vaakya asta...

"Mala tu khup awadtes ga....me kharach tujhi khoop kalji gheil...."

Pan he suddha tumhi bolu shakat nahi...

Kadhi Kadhi....

wat ta ki ewadha kaahi bolaecha rahun gela ahe..

Te kadhi bolaaela bhetel ka?

Ani bolaaela bhetla tari me te bolu shakil ka?

Kadhi Kadhi

he asa hota...

Ki aapan tya vyakti kade nadi saarkhe vaahat sut to...

Ani to vyakti tya nadiwar baandh baandhaela taeyaar asto...

Friends

If anyone would ask me that," What have u learned in Engineering?"

I will answer him "I have learnt that Life gets Wonderful when u get Friends who love u more than themselves."

Yes, i have no shame in saying that i am the worst of the engineering students who will graduate the next year and that i have learnt anything much useful in B.E...

But, these years in the college have given me such beautiful people that i cant stop myself writing about them and telling them what i think about them.No reason.Why i named the book club as "Friends Book Club".

"My close friends are those people whose cell phone number i have learn by heart."

The fundamental thing first: I love u all :)

Nikhil Jinde (Jinde Bhai)

Yesterday Night, I had this dream.

Nikhil and I were going to his village on foot..

On both sides of the road were green fields, and tall trees on distant horizon, grey sky full with black clouds, cold wind blowing....

We walked past by a village in which lived weird looking people and wondered who were they...

After going ahead of that village, the cell phone rang.

" I am Mumbhro",said the voice on the other side. "Both of you come back here, to the village u just crossed by."

"Ok. but who are you?", some of us asked.

"i am your friend. U both need me. come on now."

So we went there to the place where he called us. He was a very decent looking person. White clothes all over his body. White turban. Bangles on his body. But his face was dull. dead and all the charm lost.

he had a shop of single block. in it were metal artifacts placed. they were very much polished but they were statues of skeletons. Each and every statue was of skeleton. He offered us seat. then he looked at me. I thought he will tell me something about treasure or something else...but he just smiled.

I asked him,"Can i help you?", my most usual question which i ask to strangers.

He said "No."

"I will help you. Do u know u are suffering from "Psychosis gas syndrome"?

i felt worried and looked at nikhil. he was also staring at me.

i said "NO. well, what is it exactly?"

"it is a situation in which your attitude towards anything changes with time. u are not firm on that and thus fly from one place to another. the disease happens to everyone.But in you, it has reached drastic and uncontrollable levels.You will have to start the medications. You have become a psychopath already."

Then i said him...well , then give me the medicine. then He himself started behaving weirdly. a lot of other customers came to his shop. then his friends came and all of them started behaving as if drunk.And we were just standing there.

Nikhil said "Ask him where he lives and when should we come back for medicines."

That man said" I live in your village and u come back tomorrow morning."'

We left that place. I said to nikhil "Ok then. Now its confirmed that i am a psychopath."

he just smiled.

BLANK.BLANK.BLANK.

We both were then standing in a field. the faint green color of grass which sprouts after the first rain and basks in the brilliance of the sun and makes the ground alive, my favourite one, was spread all over. there were butterflies flying all around.....there were big sunflowers ..daisies ...and purple, red flowers spread all over the landscape....there was a rainbow starting just near us....

the road on which we were standing was twisted but it was circular....

Nikhil said "See. how beautiful all this world is."

BLANK.BLANK.BLANK.........zzzzzzzzzzz........

All i know is one thing.

If i go completely mad in the real sense of terms.

If i start walking upside down.

If i start killing people whom i dont want to be alive.....

that is if i become a psychopath..

There will be this person, the first.....whom i met on my first day of college,

who will believe in me and take care of me....

nikhil...I love u re...

Attachment

The meaning of the word "preet" is attachment.

Sometimes i totally disagree with Shakespeare that "Whats in name......" thing he said...

Don't u think that some people are same as like their name??

I am.

Rain is.

So are bhupen, pratik.....

I am so easily attached to the things i like/love. People of my type,some ideas, things like this blogging stuff and some songs and movies close to my heart. It cant be said that i am emotional. Emotional is the person who can get involved in anyone.But not me.

Osho says that Love is nothing but Attachment.

Its like one person has been bonded to the other person completely. That person has merged into the other.Forgotten himself.And now in every thing, u see the other person.

He explains it by saying that Its like a tree which gets attached to the earth. Or a child attached to the mother's womb.Slowly this attachment takes place and you don't realize how deep inside the ground the roots have penetrated.Its just when someone tries to uproot u, or disturb the whole arrangement, the pain which comes makes u realize that u were attached.

Attachment flowers only when its proper. By proper i mean u can't plant a cashew nut tree in black soil of Vidarbha. it needs the earth found in the Konkan region to get fully nourished and grow. Or sugarcane cant be planted in the alluvial soil.Its only when the earth accepts that tree, the tree will survive and grow.

Attachment does miracles.If the soil is going dry, the tree starts losing its beauty. If the soil is happy with the rains, the tree too swings in happiness. Its a communion.

Same things happen with me in relationships i get attached to.

Sometimes i feel i should contact Pratik, and at the other end he is trying to contact me bcoz at that time we both are in need of each other. Same with everyone else.

Their worries become ur worries.If they are in pain u feel it too. And i think,when they share their burdens, that burden become yours and you start felling heavy then and there. the best part is that their burden is reduced.

What i want to say that very few people have a heart which is capable of accepting that a person has become attached to me and its perfectly OK.That is a heart of Gold.becoz when the earth refuses to accept a plant, it dies. And the Golden Heart will never hurt anyone.Me too sometimes dont accept that some people become attached to me.....but then i have to sustain...i have to give them space...for they are in need...

It gives a feeling of incompleteness when u know that the person u are attached to, is not attached to you...a feeling of emptiness...and a bit of sadness....

But you have to accept it...

Becoz u have to live with it...with the hope that someday...that person will also respond...if you are true to this universe... if u are true to that person...if u are true to u..

The day will be so beautiful..

Have a nice day today...

HaHa :) The "GirlFriend" Problem

I am very happy today..

Yesterday, miracles happened. And i am the one who Rationally Believes in Miracles :)

Things so beautiful are happening to me....that if i tell them to everyone.....

Very few(or no one !) will believe them becoz they are above the understanding of the Human mind...

and we, the so called educated people have trained our minds in such a cunning way, that we very cunningly judge "miracles" as "co-incidences" and make our life more n more boring.

Yes! its we who make our life boring....

and i m trying to get out of it...

First and Foremost..

I would like to Thank Her for coming in my life..

To show me, what that feeling,(i will not name it, becoz it goes as soon as one names it),

which everyone longs for,

which fills your life with radiance

and which makes you feel that you are still alive

and that god still loves u....

which makes u a more mature and caring person...

to gift me that feeling...

Thank You. Rain.For being here.

Now. The "Girl-Friend Problem".

I got feelings for a girl at a very small age.I had my first crush in probably 6th standard, on my classmate.She was the one who made me realize that there is something so beautiful called......."love".She left away this city bcoz here father got transferred.She never liked me.

Then in 8th standard, this beautiful classmate of mine, so caring, so lovely, so wonderful.....who gave me all beautiful advices, who enjoyed my silly jokes, who withstood bravely all the punishments with me, who tolerated all my mood swings, who had such a beautiful face that i still remember it clearly,who had a heart of gold to pardon me again and again.....

Who gave me this same feeling which i am having Now..

I would like to apologize her...

It was ALL becoz of Adolescence dear....

A boy getting older...

and a boy who can't control himself..

Anyway, I lost her. One of the biggest mistake of my life.

Why i am telling u all these things, is becoz i NEVER remember i got this thought of making them my "Girl-Friend". Yes. of course. amongst friends we used to call them as

"Teri waali- Meri waali" but i never got this urge to make them "Girl-Friends"...they actually WERE my girl-friends Then!!!

then the things got Really messed up in the 10th standard.I got intensely physically attracted towards a junior and

it was only then that i got this thought that i should HAVE HER, POSSESS HER,OWN HER.That i should make her my Girlfriend.

Then i used all the means to own her...by hook or crook, i wanted her badly.

i used every means to win her..

goodness, crookedness, manipulation, force, fight,lies, harassment everything one does.

I was very very ambitious then..

unable to control myself..

And finally i won her in January that year of my 10th Standard.

We went physical in February. Not much physical. but to a certain extent.

It just happened naturally.On its own.Just 2 adolescent human beings attracted towards each other.

Until now, very few people knew it.

Now i am making it public.

Becoz i am starting to break everything now.

I m starting to break the Cocoon.

Because i have to fly.And i cant fly with burdens.

In march we had the board exams.

In april both of us again came in contact and a little bit more closer.

But nothing serious happened then.

And i was still in an illusion that i have found "Love" and i used to sing romantic songs the whole day and see romantic movies and but never got this feeling which i m having now, if i am true to myself. The mind at the time when i had a girl-Friend was FULL of Doubts about her faithfulness, Anxieties, Worries and other tensions which exist in all the relationships which the Human being DELIBERATELY Enter into....This GF-BF relationship, if made DELIBERATELY, is a living HELL..i m telling you.

we broke up in May.Following a series of things which i came to know about her, which were unexpected to me and it became impossible to be with her.

This was bound to happen.Becoz the relationship was purely physical, it was bound to happen.

Eleventh and twelfth standard were spent studying and thinking about crushes(total 5.which i consciously remember and unconsciously i dont remember the number.)

I knew that 4 of them thought that i was a complete Jerk. and one of them NEVER DISCOVERED me out!!

The BE first year was spent in efforts to make music my GF...and i failed here too...Becoz it was also an illusion.In BE second year, when i came close to one of my crushes of the 12th standard, when i spoke to her, or saw her speaking to people, i realized the Truth about Crushes. They are just illusion. I just couldn't believe that that girl was so immature, childish.....Or she wasn't made for me...and i lived day dreaming about her for 3 years!!!

I lost all the hope then. having lived in an illusion for such a long time and known the truth about the relationship based on physical attraction and crushes based on facial beauty...i decided to do some other things in life....Read, make friends, start something new....and i succeeded in it.

Even then i was attracted to some girls in the college, i never took them seriously.

In the college i enjoyed seeing my friends waiting at the bike stand for hours to just get a look at their crushes, talk about the love affairs of the college students, seniors and juniors, transfer photos of lovely seniors, taken in the girls hostel, transferred to each other via bluetooth..and see every girl which passed by, make comments...i just really enjoyed seeing them..

Sometimes when the girl i was interested in would pass, these friends would make series of grunts, noises and songs that the girl would feel ashame to death, killing all the possibilities that something good will happen between both of you. And this silly thing, they did to everyone.

Just like those who cant get food will curse others trying to get it.

But i never got this urge to HAVE A Girl-Friend in these four years.

Yes. there was a desire. every1 has. that there should be some beautiful person in your life, to whom u can give all the goodness u have..yes i had this desire, but never went mad for it..i just waited...

Boys like to Possess.And Girls Like being Possessed.

My problem is that i have realized , learnt from my past, read and hence inferred...

that..

"U Really Cannot Possess Anyone"

A husband cannot possess a wife...

A father cannot possess a child...

and a boy who wants to be a "boyfriend" and a girl who wants to be a "girlfriend" cannot Possess each other.

If You Possess, the freedom gets killed, the love dies right there and what is left behind , is a corpse called relationship, and then u mummify this relationship with all doubts and anxieties and other things. u try to enliven it. but it is dead already.

This i have learnt.

So that day...there was a huge Misunderstanding between Rain and me....

Means i created this misunderstanding...

I tried to manipulate the relationship as i did it once before..

I told her" Mi tula Patavto..."......(such a useless,silly, hopeless thing to say. I would have killed myself if she would not have been positive..becoz I passed through such a misery for 3-4 days that i just couldnt bear it.)

But it was just the old Myself returning to me..

and i hope it never returns again.

I hate manipulations.

I love the things to get on their own.Like the flowing River. Spontaneously.

And one thing is clear. That i dont WANT TO MAKE RAIN my Girl-Friend.

The relationship is very beautiful as its Now..

And she too thinks that we are "just friends"

So thats OK with me.....

I have the full freedom to have whatever feelings i have for her... Because they are very beautiful

Thank you for reading this.

All is well now.

Meeting Someone Special

Lets call her "Rain".

In marathi , i have nicknamed her-"Paaus". Thats one of my favourite marathi words:"Paaus".

This monsoon was one of the most unforgettable rainy seasons of my life. I think i have an intuition power. If i am very composed, sometimes i can tell that whether it's going to rain or not. I can predict whats going to happen. Sometimes.

I knew it was her. I had seen her in the college some times but never thought that she will come in my life. She is from another department. Even though i have contact with girls from all over the college, i never got into a situation for 3 years of my life in BDCOE that i could speak to her.

That day a common friend of ours called me and said that one friend of hers wanted to join the Friends Book Club. Something clicked inside me that very moment. That very moment i realized that its gonna rain now.Somehow, i knew it was her.

I walked into her classroom and couldn't take my eyes off her. she was just wonderful.

i said,"preet".

she said "What?".

Then i realized that i have to speak something earthly and descend back from the heaven, if i wanted to start the conversation.

"My name.My name is preet."

She wanted to join FBC. As usual i forgot to bring the forms.So we decided to meet the next day.

Next day when she handed me the form, her hands were shaking. i dont know why but i felt it was a green signal. i imagined she might have to say something. she too had something in her. i talked to her about our common friends. About my junior college. We found out that she was also in the same junior college in which i was. 5 years in a row. in the same institution. Yet our paths never crossed!! i wondered why had life sent her to me now??Now, when everything is gonna end in the next 6 months??

I always send a welcome message to the new club members. i also sent her one. On that evening she replied me "Thanks".

I was stunned. In the past 1 year of the club, i hardly remember anyone who thanked me for making them members.i told this to her. She said" i m one of those few people."

Yes. She is one of those people.

We talked about studies, project etc. I took her as i would have taken any other normal girl ....just talking about academics and all....I told her that i had the seminar on my project after some days.

It was 24th July, my Moms Bday, and my seminar. I was preparing for it and suddenly i got a sms in my inbox.

"Hey! Best of Luck for the seminar."

Vibrations set into my whole body. My brain started feeling as if all the strain was taken away. I started feeling my breath. She was the first one to wish me Best luck.I fell flat for her since that very day.

She has descended into my life as a shower descends and brings cool breeze with it. It makes the environment so vibrant that you start loving your breathing process. You start to breathe as much cool air as possible. You start feeling that you are alive. The next two months were full of beauty for me.The contact grew very slowly.And i started becoming compatible with her...(bcoz i fell compatible with very few girls personally and those girls fell that i m nuts..)...

And i dont know when......i got attached to her...

Started waiting for her sms', sent her beautiful thoughts and poetry...

And then i started feeling....sweet....so sweet....

Whenever i thought about her, i went in to trance. The thoughts which came to me ,when i started expressing myself to her, were coming from some other world.they were not earthly. On days i would just watch rain and think of her. Or i got wet each time it would rain, just because she had told me that she loved rain.I too, liked rains. But i started living in them after she told me that she too had love for them.Each time she talked to me it was like somebody is putting sugar in my head and stirring it slowly. her name was so sweet that i felt cadbury dissolving on my toungue each time i said it.

The next two months, Rain came as she wished. She would then make me completely drenched, each time i went to her.When she wasn't there, there was a cloud around me. i lived in the cloud. the cloud which was the reminder of Rain. Reminder that she will come.

When in the cloud i started feeling at rest. I started feeling that i had got, what i was waiting for.Such a beautiful and subtle that cloud was that u couldnt do anything else but just be in it.

i knew that if i tried to catch it, it will go. It will vanish forever.

What i feared for, happened some days ago.

I tried to catch the cloud and keep it with me. I told her that i had the fear that i might lose her. I did something silly which made the cloud go. And i was left crippled, as if a tree had been uprooted from the earth. I cried. God knows, for what reason.

TIME

i have been always fooled by time. this thing slips so fast someday and on others it seems to be dead to move a moment ahead. these last two months were the ones which flew away so fast. the last time i posted something on this page was so different. it was the month of may....hot sun outside, hot winds, even the nights were so unbearable. but as now i sit to write, cool breeze is blowing and the sun is shining among the clouds and illuminating my room so lively. it has been raining beautifully since the last two three days, and the weather has been so pleasant and romantic. sometimes i stand at some place outside and wonder that just two months back this place was just arid, lifeless, faint yellow in colour. the ground had cracks on it. the people fully covered there body to avoid the sun, even the plants looked dull and the birds worried. but now the same place is covered with green grass, the grey clouds shower all whatevere they have and the very same place looks like a hill station. every drop of rain is so refreshing that i cant resist to go out in rain each time it is pouring. the air has a beautiful scent....a scent forgotten...a fragrance gone unnoticed for years, but still lingering in the recess of my memory..... memory of the last thousands of years....the fragrance of newness.

Time changes everything. time is what makes us bored, time is what fills us with enthu. time is what makes some unknown people our best friends..and time is what makes them go away.

time is what introduces u to some beautiful face...a face,whenever it smiles, u forget all your worries and tensions.......time is what makes you realize that now its time to stand up and fight.....

.to let go away things which are bothering u......and rise once again.

sometimes i think that i have never grown up. i still feel that i m in 12th standard. yesterday i was writing something very fast and unconsciously, in a haste i put on the date- 7th july 2006.

this happens many times. this may be a proof that i still live in the past. it is a very pitiable state when u discover that the past has not left u. u are still holding things. the people who hurt u, the people whom u hurt at some point. the words unsaid to someone and the mistakes committed. sometimes, these all things come together.

anyway, i have been hit by a new idea to promote friends book club. now what i m doing is sending 1 aptitude massage to the members daily. the college is mad for aptitude as the placements are now to begin. everyone is solving aptitude questions like never before. and i am sending them aptitude messages. we have also arranged for placement papers of the ITcompanies like satyam and mahindratech,infosys etc. and this has been a HIT.more members are coming and that is a good thing for us as we wil be making money on continuous basis now.each paper costs them only 2-3 rs. and they will be giving at least 20 papers this session. so the deal is very good and affordable for them. we take only 30 rs from the old memvers and 60 rs from the new members.

we have been working very hard these days. chottu got acidity that day due to less sleep. he was out there to sam's home taking print outs all the night. we had to search for the apti papers on the net.they were available there but the ones with complete solutions and keys were not available. so we spent at least 30 hours in the last 4 days working continuously on papers searching , editing , troubleshooting and editing... and the end product were beautiful 20 sets of placement papers of different companies which will help both the students of our college in developing them and us by filling our pockets.

we have decided to save all the money which will come from this session coz we literally spent all the earnings of the club in enjoyment or buying new books.that day we made a rough balance sheet and found that we were running the business on a no profit no loss basis. so we decided that now it's TIME to save.

our final year project has been decided and i have decided to work on ewaste recycling...hot topic...other classmates are searching for the project on the internet. i too did this foolish thing sometimes then i realized that this is not my way.

so on a beautiful evening i sat in my gallery for some time seeing the deep blue sky and feeling the cool breeze blowing. then i closed my eyes and then this project on e waste came to my mind.so now i have got something to spend time and this project will be of great significance to me.Rutuja was reluctant to do this project...but i was able to convince her... isaid that "tu tension mat le ,mai hu na." to which she replied"usi ka to tension hai."

anyway, she will learn with time......... ;)

The story of Friends Book Club

Prologue

3rd March 2010

Nikhil:"You look very happy now."

Me:"sitting with 3 of your best friends..... at this highest point of wardha...with today's wonderful day and success of the Friends Horizon session....with blessings of so many fellow students... with so much money in my pocket... with this cool breeze blowing, and whole wardha in front of me, this endless lighting, this silence, this celeberation, these smiles....i m something much more than happy today. something beyond satisfaction...."

Sid:"is it success?"

Me:"May be....i dont know, but yes, today i feel like i m successful, we have seen our dream come true...and gone much far beyond that.anyway, after today, success will be the last thing on earth i will long for...i have understood what success is.today i think i have understood everything. what business is,on what does it stand, how does it works..everything is clear now. "

Bhupen:"today i can say dreams come true, and they give gr8 happiness to u!3 cheers to FBC."

Me:"yes and they add something of immense importance to your life."

Nikhil:"What is it?"

Me:"Tranquility."

Chapter 1: The conception of an idea

June 2009

Me:"hey guys!i've got a business plan!"

Sid:"gr8 man!let's do it!"

Me:" dont u want to hear what the plan is?"

Sid:"who cares?"

very few people in this world are blessed with friends who are ready to fall into anything with their friends. Sid was one of the person in my life. i was very fortunate bcoz i had got 2 more such friends:Nikhil and Bhupen.

It was last week of june 2009 when i was sitting in my room with my eyes closed in front of a window when i got mad with the idea of opening a book shop in sewagram. i saw the bright fututre in this plan. So many students, so many readers! and so much profit! the idea filled me so much that i just cudn't control himself. i had to speak it out to someone!

that day was also one of the happiest day in sid's life. he had passed the 1st year of BE with more than 70% and that was a gr8 achivement bcoz he never studied and had screwed himself in 12th standard and took a drop for 1year which he thought as a shame to himself . so he was in high spirits and was throwing a dinner party at the Gulshan restaurant that night. i took my activa and rushed to sid's room in wardha. sid was now living at sam's house(another "best friend" now this guy is anything,an integral part of our life, even we want to get rid of him, we are just unable to do so,an another interesting story.)as his self-tortured"kirayedar".he was as desperate as preet to start anything that will earn them some money.Gobya was there too as his vacations have begun and he has come over here. the conversation at the dinner table was:

Gobya:" now What's the plan?"

Sid:"We'll order Chicken"

Sam:"Call a handi."

Gobya:"Shut up and listen to the plan."

Sam:"iwant 1 handi , tikhi wali."

Gobya:"Shut up u asshole!"

Me:"So here it is. we bring books at cheap rate from big cities like Nagpur, Mumbai and sell them here at a double price."

Sid:"Ok. at what cost do u get books in big cities?"

Me:"60rs to 100rs for pirated ones. somewhat more for the stolen original ones."

Sid:"At what rate will we sell them?"

Me:"at the rate of maximum profit."

Sid:"if that's the case, i m in."

Me:"That was what i needed, a partner!"

Sid:"So where do we start?"

Gobya:"yes man, you gotta hell lots of scope here! if u open your own book shop which sell novels and other books and magazines, not available in wardha, u will become a hit!u will go rich!"

Me:"yes that's what i m thinking about.i'll start doing a research on the taste of people here, what kind of books they like to read, what they want more, also i'll do a rough estimate of what expenses we will have to spend as an initial investment. i'll start it as early as possible."

Sid:"We are gonna rock!"

Gobya:" Will u be able to tell this to your father,preet?will he agree on this plan?"

Me:"i dont know, that's going to be the biggest challange!"

Sid:"i m with u."

Sam:"And yes the Chicken Handi is delicious!"

The journey thus began! I started doing research. I sent scraps to my friends on orkut. went to book shops and stalls in wardha to see what they offered and what they lacked. i searched the internet for places to get cheap books. i also started thinking ways to gather money for investing.and in this way i started to make every effort to change the course of my life.but iwas totally unaware of life's one law:"dude, if u want to change the course of your life, you are free to change it, but why dont u face a storm before doing so?".....A storm was approaching, very fast.......

Chapter 2: The hurdles of an entrepreneur

July 2009

Danger Daddy:"if u utter 1 more word i'll just thrash this car right into the truck coming from the front. shut ur mouth u swine!"

Me:"if that is what u want to do, then do it and end this all mess called 'living'!"

Mummy:"u r a complete disgrace to our family. u can't do anything.u r nothing but a bundle of mistakes.u r a useless crap. says he will do a business!"

DD:" have u ever done any business? do u know a single thing about it?i did business when i was small!i sold newspapers!"

Me:"that was not a business but a job. all u middle class marathi people will do for all your life is a job......kharde ghasai....live ur entire life with ur files. u have a typical babu mentality."

DD:"shut up u loser! u can't pass ur exams and u think u'll do a business! and that too of books! what will u earn through it? who buys books? i never do! no one does! what margin u'll get? ask that A.H.Wheeler on the railway station what does he earn from books?"

Mummy:"anyway he will end up being a beggar on the railway station....a place where all losers end up."

Me:"u people just don't understand.u r not even asking me for justification! u r in an ugly mental mess not capable of seeing what ur son wants!"

Mummy:" what u r expected to do when ur son wants all the wrong things in life? he dreams of going to the mountains and playing flute all day! all day he sits in his room playing guitar and singing like a beggar.reads story books...doesn't study...always fails voluntarily in exams and makes no use of the brains he has got....has no future plans!"

Me:" all u want is a secured future plan..u dont care fot the Present plan i m having...what do u think why i m doing this?"

DD: "because u have no brains and ur the ultimate shit known to mankind.why dont u leave ur education and start doing a full time business, u r not studying anyway!"

Me:"after ruining 2years of my life in a disgraced college, u want me to leave me halfway? and now when i have this wonderful plan? u see people fighting tooth and nail, tearing their hair apart studying day and night to get admission in MBA at the IIM's? why do they do so? they do so to study 'Business'.this is what i m trying to do.....study business by Actually doing it........not in the books....not on paper.....but actually taking a first hand experience of "what is business"! do u want any more clarification..isn't this sufficient?"

Mummy:" however logical clarification u'll give is not satisfying bcoz we know that u dont want to study and after starting this business u'll stop studying completely....and end up being a non-graduate making a hell of ur life."

Me:"that's not like that..may be i might start studying more after that!"

DD:" Shut up and let me drive and Never-ever again u tell me about ur this useless plan and dont expect anything from me!"

this has been my loophole...to tell the important things to wrong people at a wrong time in a wrong way. i went wrong in telling his dad that i dont want to pursue medical, at a wrong time,at the time when exams were lingering over the head. i told my cousin sister that i ran away from the MGIMS CET just bcoz i couldn't sit in the examination room and see myself attempting to go to a place where i never wanted to and this she told to preet's mother who made his life a living hell for days to come. i said things to the girl he loved in a wrong way at a wrong time.and now i told my father about my plan to do business when we were driving in our car back from nagpur in the night. My father got insane on hearing that his son has got a new notion on his mind and drew the car so harshly shouting all the way that he survived a couple of times an accident by the skin of his teeth.(he is a dental hygienist, this phrase suits him.)

For 15 days i did extensive research on places to get cheap books across India...in cities like Mumbai, Hyderabad, Pune.....but couldn't make a plan. also i calculated the initial investment which would be minimum at least 15 thousand rupees if we wanted to put a stall right at the sewagram chowk. that's what we thought...a stall where u wud get everything: mags, novels, exam books everything. i thought if i was able to convince my dad, he might give some initial investment. But he failed.....and now the same question every entrepreneur in this useless country "INDIA" faces was bothering me. i had no resources. since the plan hit me, i was able to save only rs.1000 from the pocket money of Rs500 i got per month, not a penny above that, i left the guitar class, put no recharge in my phone, stop going to places by activa bcoz at times i had to put petrol on my own! but what i gonna do in Rs.1000?

there are crores of entrepreneurs in India....but no one gets support the way he wants to. the panipuriwala at the square or the people who do business on their bicycles in the scortching heat daily are entrepreneurs....but they dont get any support, even if govt. has schemes, they dont know it, no one tells them. no one gives cheap loans.

from where to get money was the biggest problem.at last i decided to ask for money to my aunty(bua). i knew she will give , and there was no other person. i called her and demanded 3000 rs(coz he cudn't ask for more) but when she asked the reason, i became dumb. there was a gr8 probability , that if she didnt liked the idea of business, she might not give me any money. and i cudn't lie to her. coz at that time, he was a gandhiji, never lied and no one cud have lied for a thing so much important to him.

Me:"i just want to buy books."

bua:"ok then it's f9, i'll send u a money order.till when do u want that money?"

Me:"first week of august."

bua:"from where will u buy books?"

Preet:"oh!i haven't decided yet, will tell u soon.bye"

with this money problem solved, i felt that there are still, some human beings on earth who cared for my desires....i had some 2000 rs in his bank account. and some more i would save. i knew danger daddy would give me something when i will leave......now the next hurdle was:from where to buy the books?

"Daryaganj!Delhi! a paradise for book lovers. here on every sunday u'll get 2nd hand books from all over the world at rates below what u called cheap. each and every book will cost you less than rs.100 and u'll get any book u want. but u wud have to search for them coz there are huge heaps of books and u may get gandhiji lying beside aishwarya in those huge piles. u need a keen eye."

this was what i read on internet...and i sent a sms to sid" we aren't going to mumbai/pune but to delhi, i read about daryaganj, u check it out urself."

sid didnt reply anything, as usual. so i thought that it was OK with him. but when i met him he found that sid was taken aback as he had never thought of going to bring books from Delhi.

"we'll see...."was all what he said.

now when some1 says "we'll see", this period is a period of restlessness and utter helplessness.u lose all the peace of mind.u become crippled and dependednt. u r unable to do anything coz u r thinking what this"see" is gonna be? where will it take you.

and then a perilous thing descends on u.

people may fight World wars, they may fight World wars, they may fight the cold on the everest, they may fight everything known. but cannot fight this thing:

"Loneliness".

My Reason to begin

The need to express my thoughts and feelings have grown so much tremendous these days that i just can't resist writing a blog. i m not a regular writer, nor i m good at english.Yet now i sit at 1.15am, (very rarely do i stay awake so long, i usually sleep by 10pm) bcoz i m just unable to sleep. this whole week i have been bedridden. i have got viral fever, body ache, dysentry, vomitting, complete loss of apetite. anyway i got just lot of time to think over things.

i realized that i have changed. and this has been an active process. i have witnesssed it. and m proud of it. it is not an achievement to be proud of but yet i feel i m a human being now. that i have a respect for life. that i can understand people now, at least i m able to breathe in this suffocating murderous world.

BDCOE, Sewagram is a dead college. The institution is a graveyard where the ghosts of lecturers do a thing they call "teach" to the young half-murdered hearts. they teach death. and thats expected because they were murdered too. not only this institution, but my school, the college, and this whole society were all the places where they taught death. people were intelligent enough to learn to die. to die to their desires, the things we want, actually want to do. laugh, jump, hug each other, read to lots of books, cook ,play a guitar, watch the birds flying high, listen to thier beautiful voices and see a beautiful sunset with a friend with your head resting on her shoulder, hands in hands.

the real problem started when i started dreaming of all these things. my friends were dreaming of good colleges for graduation, my father was dreaming of getting me an admission to the medical institution in which he worked, many people were dreaming many things, many weren't dreaming anything. this all started in the summer of 2007, when i went to the ali coaching classes, (the mass murdering institute, a certified institution of performing a mass mental rape of students and preparing for a BIG death for the rest of their lives.) people were thinking of marks scores. the REAL problem started right there. i didnt think of any of these things. i was thinking of learning violin because i fell in love with it. while my friends were doing hard study there what i was doing was playing my flute all the day, eating and sleeping. this was the beginning. this has caused a great torrent in my life. i have stopped studying and doing such idiot things from that very day. i havent studied any academic thing in these last 3 years and i have survived a fresh mind. a mind that has gained the ability to see the things as they are in reality.

now it becomes a problem for others when you start seeing things in the right way and express them. i have always been expressive. i rarely hold back things. angers, fears, weaknesses, abuses(the worst of them), feelings and all the other things. since childhood i have been expressing things the way i have seen them. from my 10 years of age upto my 12th standard i have been expressing all the ugly things. or say expressing things in an ugly manner. things are as they are. they simply exist. we express, modulate, speculate them according to our conditioning and our capacity to see them. but now i project things the way they are. and this has become a problem for my parents, the authorities of the institution i work in and in such a way for me too.

and that is why when i do things like forming the FRIENDS BOOK CLUB( its story is very interesting, i'll surely write about it) for rekindling my own life and the life of my dead college students i have to face tremendous outward pressure. and many such little things which i want to do to feel the life in me like laying in the lawn looking at the plants and flowers, or to stop studying, taking a drop just to go and roam the indian countryside, i have to face tremendous pressure.

NOBODY talks about LIFE here. i wonder that is EVERYBODY DEAD? we are human beings, we need to talk to each other, we need a companion, to share our feelings, to fulfil our necessities both physical and mental, or else it becomes impossible to exist in this boring dead society. we have to survive and not just survive but LIVE. i have write this whole thing becoz i have a hope that some person out there is just looking for a person to LIVE a beautiful LIFE. AND YES, THAT's what i m concerned about. to LIVE A BEAUTIFUL LIFE. at any cost.i m waiting for that person to reach me.

"I am waiting for you dear."