Pune Calling

TaDaaaa.....

So my friends freedom is here!!

going to pune tomorrow.

Well i used to think when i was in college that i will flee from my home when i finish my graduation.

So that presumed freedom was the freedom from my home.

But now i have this changed view point.

This freedom is not from the bondages of my home or from some other people and factors influencing my life.In fact its the freedom from Myself. Yes....freedom from, myself...........my old dying rotting self....

Now this freedom is going to be full of responsibilities and full of adventures. I have already seen some BIGGGG dreams about my future. Pune will give me wings to reach those dreams. Also the next two-three months are going to be full of study and hardwork plus some masti of course.

I am planning to crack the GRE with awesome results.Now thats a BIGGG commitment in itself i am making to myself :).......Lets see what happens..........I am going to give in my BEST!

Also i will be learning guitar,eating and living healthy,listen to more and more 'my type' of music,watch English movies to pick up the foreign accent,search for jobs in the telecomm sector.......bas..........thats enough for the next two months.

Wishing everyone of you ALL THE BEST in your future Endeavors.

GOD BLESS YOU.

GOD SAVE YOU ;P (Just kidding)

GOD SAVE ME!!!!

OK.BYE. :)

Happy Birthday to me............. :)

I started writing this blog exactly one year ago, the same time in the night, when i felt an instant uncontrollable urge to express myself to someone. I expressed myself to myself. Never knew that i could write. Or u can say express myself through writing. For me expressing myself through writing means emptying myself of the uncontrollable bursts of emotions which periodically fill me. Then i take refuge to writing. Some of them i share with my close friends through SMS. Some personal material i scribble down in a notebook and the rest of the write-up which i want everybody to read but i write it in such a way that very few can associate with it...i write it down here. before writing i seldom have a thought what i am going to write, just whatever comes to my mind i start typing it. Its like i try to empty my emotional tank through writing. Very few friends read this blog. Although most of the material here is about my tryst with that undefinable thing call "L@*E". Yes sir, that undefinable unpronounceable and unfathomable four letter word "L#$E".

This one year has been an unforgettable one. I have gathered so much memories this year that if i re-project them completely on the screen of my mind from Day1, i can finish a book on my BE Final year. In that book i can tell how life played great funny jokes with my academic,personal and professional life. Those great funny jokes which dear Life played with me.........and also my friends......make me laugh when i look back at them without any regret.

Why should i have regrets?

Its my life which tried to screw me hard. So i cannot blame my life to be cruel to me. No.......my life is my best friend..........it teaches me through experience most of which comes from the mistakes i do while trying to listen what my heart says.

Friendship,Confusion,tears,happiness, cries,laughter,then that four letter word,friendship,shocks,misunderstandings,rejections,flirt,romance,study,dreams all these things came in bulk quantity this year. Many spheres of life unknown to me came into light this year.

lots of things to write......but feeling really sleepy now. OK. Gn:)

OSHO quotes

here's a good link for OSHO quotes on happiness-sadness

(I just forgot the spelling of "happiness"....i wrote something like this......."hapinness".

geeeee..............whats happening??????)

http://www.messagefrommasters.com/Spiritual_Quotes/Osho/osho_sadness_quotes.htm

SOMEDAYS........

There are somedays in your life when some of your dreams come true........

what you dreamed when you were fast asleep and the subconscious projected your deep rooted desires on the screen of the mind......become reality....and if you are aware enough......you start believing that you are one of the most luckiest creature on this earth.....

yes.....those moments last for a very short span.....they are vulnerable to death..but for whatever moments they are alive.they give you the hope to live further.......they give you the happiness for being alive and then you start knowing what the phrase 'Living the Dream' means...

Sometimes.......these moments last too long that you start fearing them....

Deep rooted inside us is also a fear of good things....that too much good is also bad........when goodness in excess......mind starts longing for a little badness to for sake of balance.....but the mind,the fool does not know that for how much period these moments will last is beyond its control............these things happen because they are pre-written........'pre-written' is a very dangerous word...sometimes it sends chills down the spine...that is this whatever is happening is pre-written???...not in any book.....but what they call "forehead"....or the lines on the palm......

then if everything is pre-written...your dreams,ambitions,desires,attitude and life.....what is the need to worry about life as a means to achieve....because whatever is yours.....you already have it.......isnt it?

I will never be able to find out this.......

i may find out the reason why i fell in love with u......

may be it was because even before you came into my life....i felt that someone special is coming,

may be it was because when u came in my life...made me feel different.....

may be because you liked a poem i sent you...

may be because you said best luck to me for the project which turned useless in the end....

may be because you said you will like to support my silly business of making project reports of other students.....

may be when i sent u some of the most beautiful prose i have read somewhere, you told me that you were sitting alone on your terrace on that rainy evening and listening to birds..

may be because i started writing poems and thoughts only for you...

may be because i felt that i have got someone who wants to understand me and hence speaks with me so much...

may be because i started waiting for your replies of sms for long hours...

may be because you yourself used to ask" hey, how was the day?" when no one else even cared..

may be because you taught me to say "Good day"

may be because i used to get intuitions that you are going to meet me somewhere and you used to meet it..

may be because i thought god has answered my prayer when i asked him a person to love...

may be because it was all different from other relations......

may be because you cried your heart out to me over the phone....

may because my silly foolish jokes made you laugh and i felt that i was in heaven after knowing that you are happy....

may be because i found out what love is after meeting you...

may be there was something beyond your body and mind that made me feel at ease with you...

may be because i started believing in things which i thought never even existed after i met you...

but,

i will never be able to find out this.....

that why i fell in love with your name even before falling in love with you?

that why i fell in love with that peach-orange-white dress of yours when i first noticed you waiting on the railway station in the month of May, long before you came into my life?

that why whenever i said your name, it slowly got dissolved in my head and gave me a feeling of being alive....

that why whatever reason i tried to explain about it, all reasons seemed childish?

that why when you urself shortened your name into that five letter word i just cant describe how love made me feel like in heaven...

that i felt it so divine that i myself never brought it on my tongue?

that why whenever i see some peach colored flowers,i remember your dress,that beautiful peach-orange-white dress.......which makes me feel alive.

Emptiness

January the 27th

After sharing lots of personal past things yesterday,falling in love once again, seeing her photos,sleeping.........then waking up with a heavy heart at 4.30 am in the morning,just sitting with blanket all over the body,face,eyes shut tight..........to go deep into that darkness which lies inside darkness.......just to feel myself..........wondering k 'is my love so weak that she still can't feel my love?'.........just sitting there, breathing deep breaths to feel alive and knowing that i cant escape this...because even if my mind tells me that all this is going to end one day.........even then my heart says that this is something altogether different........yes may b in the end she will never feel my love.....or else she will realize it.....yet never accept it............i hopelessly took my guitar and played this song..........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sB46QfyAAc&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UyazvxYXTw&feature=related

again breaking into tears when it goes "Tune mere jaana........kabhi nahi jaana......."

After crying sufficiently it came to me that i am a third person in her life...........she has started it all wrong..........not her fault.....thats why she hasn't realized yet.....

now i crave for emptiness.......now i crave for emptiness.....

all my love she thought as 'help'.........all my emotions........i dont know......has she ever thought of it or not???????...

i want to clear the things up........i want to clear the things up....

Contentment

January the 8th.

She came near me, broke a piece of the chocolate bar and gave that to me.

My eyes were fixed on the chocolate. The brown colored bar being broken by her fingers and the gel inside it becoming visible as the two pieces became separated from each other. Then she gave one piece to me. I took it and put it in my mouth. I didnt even thank her. In fact i forgot everything. Yes everything. Just i got dissolved in that chocolate............the sweetest chocolate i ever tasted in my life......

While returning back i said to bhupen," She's so good as a friend....she's so good as a friend."

At that moment, i realized, there is no other key to happiness, but contentment.