Chaandyancha Paaus

Aaj ratri,

jewha tu zopshil na..

Tevha chaandyancha paaus yenaar ahe..

Aaplya jagaat alyaawar,

tya chaandnyancha davbindu honaar ahe..

raatra tya davbindula tujhyasathi thaambavun thewel..

hirvya hirvya gavata var,

tyanna ti basavun thewel..

baagetlya tya gulaabaawar kahi tushaar astilach..

tu baghaaela jaashil tar tula baghun te hastilach..

"aata aamhi jaaela nighaalo,tumhi aata aalat!" ase te mhantil..

mag surya ugawel..

Paakhra jaage hotil..

Suryakiran yeun davanna aaplyaa paathiwae basavtil..

anantaatun aalele davbindu anantaat virun jaatil..

anantaat haravlyawar,

davabinduchya punhaa chaandnyaa hotil..

kashaala?

Arey!

udya tu zoplyaawar,

punhaa chaandnyancha paaus honaar nahi ka?

mhanun.

mag aata shaant zop.

good night :)

Sometimes

Kadhi Kadhi....

asa hota....

Ki jya vyaktila tumhaala sagla kahi saangaycha ahe,

Tya vyaktisobat bolaela tumchya javal kaahich urat nahi.

Kadhi Kadhi....

asa hota...

Ki tya vyakti chya chaanglya pana war bhaalun...

Tumhi tya vyakti warach bhaalun jaata....

Kadhi Kadhi....

asa hota...

ki ti vyakti, jichyawar tumhi jeev ovaalta,

tyaach vyaktila tumchi bhiti waatu laagte..

Kadhi Kadhi...

Vyakta karaela fakt ekach vaakya asta...

"Mala tu khup awadtes ga....me kharach tujhi khoop kalji gheil...."

Pan he suddha tumhi bolu shakat nahi...

Kadhi Kadhi....

wat ta ki ewadha kaahi bolaecha rahun gela ahe..

Te kadhi bolaaela bhetel ka?

Ani bolaaela bhetla tari me te bolu shakil ka?

Kadhi Kadhi

he asa hota...

Ki aapan tya vyakti kade nadi saarkhe vaahat sut to...

Ani to vyakti tya nadiwar baandh baandhaela taeyaar asto...

Friends

If anyone would ask me that," What have u learned in Engineering?"

I will answer him "I have learnt that Life gets Wonderful when u get Friends who love u more than themselves."

Yes, i have no shame in saying that i am the worst of the engineering students who will graduate the next year and that i have learnt anything much useful in B.E...

But, these years in the college have given me such beautiful people that i cant stop myself writing about them and telling them what i think about them.No reason.Why i named the book club as "Friends Book Club".

"My close friends are those people whose cell phone number i have learn by heart."

The fundamental thing first: I love u all :)

Nikhil Jinde (Jinde Bhai)

Yesterday Night, I had this dream.

Nikhil and I were going to his village on foot..

On both sides of the road were green fields, and tall trees on distant horizon, grey sky full with black clouds, cold wind blowing....

We walked past by a village in which lived weird looking people and wondered who were they...

After going ahead of that village, the cell phone rang.

" I am Mumbhro",said the voice on the other side. "Both of you come back here, to the village u just crossed by."

"Ok. but who are you?", some of us asked.

"i am your friend. U both need me. come on now."

So we went there to the place where he called us. He was a very decent looking person. White clothes all over his body. White turban. Bangles on his body. But his face was dull. dead and all the charm lost.

he had a shop of single block. in it were metal artifacts placed. they were very much polished but they were statues of skeletons. Each and every statue was of skeleton. He offered us seat. then he looked at me. I thought he will tell me something about treasure or something else...but he just smiled.

I asked him,"Can i help you?", my most usual question which i ask to strangers.

He said "No."

"I will help you. Do u know u are suffering from "Psychosis gas syndrome"?

i felt worried and looked at nikhil. he was also staring at me.

i said "NO. well, what is it exactly?"

"it is a situation in which your attitude towards anything changes with time. u are not firm on that and thus fly from one place to another. the disease happens to everyone.But in you, it has reached drastic and uncontrollable levels.You will have to start the medications. You have become a psychopath already."

Then i said him...well , then give me the medicine. then He himself started behaving weirdly. a lot of other customers came to his shop. then his friends came and all of them started behaving as if drunk.And we were just standing there.

Nikhil said "Ask him where he lives and when should we come back for medicines."

That man said" I live in your village and u come back tomorrow morning."'

We left that place. I said to nikhil "Ok then. Now its confirmed that i am a psychopath."

he just smiled.

BLANK.BLANK.BLANK.

We both were then standing in a field. the faint green color of grass which sprouts after the first rain and basks in the brilliance of the sun and makes the ground alive, my favourite one, was spread all over. there were butterflies flying all around.....there were big sunflowers ..daisies ...and purple, red flowers spread all over the landscape....there was a rainbow starting just near us....

the road on which we were standing was twisted but it was circular....

Nikhil said "See. how beautiful all this world is."

BLANK.BLANK.BLANK.........zzzzzzzzzzz........

All i know is one thing.

If i go completely mad in the real sense of terms.

If i start walking upside down.

If i start killing people whom i dont want to be alive.....

that is if i become a psychopath..

There will be this person, the first.....whom i met on my first day of college,

who will believe in me and take care of me....

nikhil...I love u re...

Attachment

The meaning of the word "preet" is attachment.

Sometimes i totally disagree with Shakespeare that "Whats in name......" thing he said...

Don't u think that some people are same as like their name??

I am.

Rain is.

So are bhupen, pratik.....

I am so easily attached to the things i like/love. People of my type,some ideas, things like this blogging stuff and some songs and movies close to my heart. It cant be said that i am emotional. Emotional is the person who can get involved in anyone.But not me.

Osho says that Love is nothing but Attachment.

Its like one person has been bonded to the other person completely. That person has merged into the other.Forgotten himself.And now in every thing, u see the other person.

He explains it by saying that Its like a tree which gets attached to the earth. Or a child attached to the mother's womb.Slowly this attachment takes place and you don't realize how deep inside the ground the roots have penetrated.Its just when someone tries to uproot u, or disturb the whole arrangement, the pain which comes makes u realize that u were attached.

Attachment flowers only when its proper. By proper i mean u can't plant a cashew nut tree in black soil of Vidarbha. it needs the earth found in the Konkan region to get fully nourished and grow. Or sugarcane cant be planted in the alluvial soil.Its only when the earth accepts that tree, the tree will survive and grow.

Attachment does miracles.If the soil is going dry, the tree starts losing its beauty. If the soil is happy with the rains, the tree too swings in happiness. Its a communion.

Same things happen with me in relationships i get attached to.

Sometimes i feel i should contact Pratik, and at the other end he is trying to contact me bcoz at that time we both are in need of each other. Same with everyone else.

Their worries become ur worries.If they are in pain u feel it too. And i think,when they share their burdens, that burden become yours and you start felling heavy then and there. the best part is that their burden is reduced.

What i want to say that very few people have a heart which is capable of accepting that a person has become attached to me and its perfectly OK.That is a heart of Gold.becoz when the earth refuses to accept a plant, it dies. And the Golden Heart will never hurt anyone.Me too sometimes dont accept that some people become attached to me.....but then i have to sustain...i have to give them space...for they are in need...

It gives a feeling of incompleteness when u know that the person u are attached to, is not attached to you...a feeling of emptiness...and a bit of sadness....

But you have to accept it...

Becoz u have to live with it...with the hope that someday...that person will also respond...if you are true to this universe... if u are true to that person...if u are true to u..

The day will be so beautiful..

Have a nice day today...

HaHa :) The "GirlFriend" Problem

I am very happy today..

Yesterday, miracles happened. And i am the one who Rationally Believes in Miracles :)

Things so beautiful are happening to me....that if i tell them to everyone.....

Very few(or no one !) will believe them becoz they are above the understanding of the Human mind...

and we, the so called educated people have trained our minds in such a cunning way, that we very cunningly judge "miracles" as "co-incidences" and make our life more n more boring.

Yes! its we who make our life boring....

and i m trying to get out of it...

First and Foremost..

I would like to Thank Her for coming in my life..

To show me, what that feeling,(i will not name it, becoz it goes as soon as one names it),

which everyone longs for,

which fills your life with radiance

and which makes you feel that you are still alive

and that god still loves u....

which makes u a more mature and caring person...

to gift me that feeling...

Thank You. Rain.For being here.

Now. The "Girl-Friend Problem".

I got feelings for a girl at a very small age.I had my first crush in probably 6th standard, on my classmate.She was the one who made me realize that there is something so beautiful called......."love".She left away this city bcoz here father got transferred.She never liked me.

Then in 8th standard, this beautiful classmate of mine, so caring, so lovely, so wonderful.....who gave me all beautiful advices, who enjoyed my silly jokes, who withstood bravely all the punishments with me, who tolerated all my mood swings, who had such a beautiful face that i still remember it clearly,who had a heart of gold to pardon me again and again.....

Who gave me this same feeling which i am having Now..

I would like to apologize her...

It was ALL becoz of Adolescence dear....

A boy getting older...

and a boy who can't control himself..

Anyway, I lost her. One of the biggest mistake of my life.

Why i am telling u all these things, is becoz i NEVER remember i got this thought of making them my "Girl-Friend". Yes. of course. amongst friends we used to call them as

"Teri waali- Meri waali" but i never got this urge to make them "Girl-Friends"...they actually WERE my girl-friends Then!!!

then the things got Really messed up in the 10th standard.I got intensely physically attracted towards a junior and

it was only then that i got this thought that i should HAVE HER, POSSESS HER,OWN HER.That i should make her my Girlfriend.

Then i used all the means to own her...by hook or crook, i wanted her badly.

i used every means to win her..

goodness, crookedness, manipulation, force, fight,lies, harassment everything one does.

I was very very ambitious then..

unable to control myself..

And finally i won her in January that year of my 10th Standard.

We went physical in February. Not much physical. but to a certain extent.

It just happened naturally.On its own.Just 2 adolescent human beings attracted towards each other.

Until now, very few people knew it.

Now i am making it public.

Becoz i am starting to break everything now.

I m starting to break the Cocoon.

Because i have to fly.And i cant fly with burdens.

In march we had the board exams.

In april both of us again came in contact and a little bit more closer.

But nothing serious happened then.

And i was still in an illusion that i have found "Love" and i used to sing romantic songs the whole day and see romantic movies and but never got this feeling which i m having now, if i am true to myself. The mind at the time when i had a girl-Friend was FULL of Doubts about her faithfulness, Anxieties, Worries and other tensions which exist in all the relationships which the Human being DELIBERATELY Enter into....This GF-BF relationship, if made DELIBERATELY, is a living HELL..i m telling you.

we broke up in May.Following a series of things which i came to know about her, which were unexpected to me and it became impossible to be with her.

This was bound to happen.Becoz the relationship was purely physical, it was bound to happen.

Eleventh and twelfth standard were spent studying and thinking about crushes(total 5.which i consciously remember and unconsciously i dont remember the number.)

I knew that 4 of them thought that i was a complete Jerk. and one of them NEVER DISCOVERED me out!!

The BE first year was spent in efforts to make music my GF...and i failed here too...Becoz it was also an illusion.In BE second year, when i came close to one of my crushes of the 12th standard, when i spoke to her, or saw her speaking to people, i realized the Truth about Crushes. They are just illusion. I just couldn't believe that that girl was so immature, childish.....Or she wasn't made for me...and i lived day dreaming about her for 3 years!!!

I lost all the hope then. having lived in an illusion for such a long time and known the truth about the relationship based on physical attraction and crushes based on facial beauty...i decided to do some other things in life....Read, make friends, start something new....and i succeeded in it.

Even then i was attracted to some girls in the college, i never took them seriously.

In the college i enjoyed seeing my friends waiting at the bike stand for hours to just get a look at their crushes, talk about the love affairs of the college students, seniors and juniors, transfer photos of lovely seniors, taken in the girls hostel, transferred to each other via bluetooth..and see every girl which passed by, make comments...i just really enjoyed seeing them..

Sometimes when the girl i was interested in would pass, these friends would make series of grunts, noises and songs that the girl would feel ashame to death, killing all the possibilities that something good will happen between both of you. And this silly thing, they did to everyone.

Just like those who cant get food will curse others trying to get it.

But i never got this urge to HAVE A Girl-Friend in these four years.

Yes. there was a desire. every1 has. that there should be some beautiful person in your life, to whom u can give all the goodness u have..yes i had this desire, but never went mad for it..i just waited...

Boys like to Possess.And Girls Like being Possessed.

My problem is that i have realized , learnt from my past, read and hence inferred...

that..

"U Really Cannot Possess Anyone"

A husband cannot possess a wife...

A father cannot possess a child...

and a boy who wants to be a "boyfriend" and a girl who wants to be a "girlfriend" cannot Possess each other.

If You Possess, the freedom gets killed, the love dies right there and what is left behind , is a corpse called relationship, and then u mummify this relationship with all doubts and anxieties and other things. u try to enliven it. but it is dead already.

This i have learnt.

So that day...there was a huge Misunderstanding between Rain and me....

Means i created this misunderstanding...

I tried to manipulate the relationship as i did it once before..

I told her" Mi tula Patavto..."......(such a useless,silly, hopeless thing to say. I would have killed myself if she would not have been positive..becoz I passed through such a misery for 3-4 days that i just couldnt bear it.)

But it was just the old Myself returning to me..

and i hope it never returns again.

I hate manipulations.

I love the things to get on their own.Like the flowing River. Spontaneously.

And one thing is clear. That i dont WANT TO MAKE RAIN my Girl-Friend.

The relationship is very beautiful as its Now..

And she too thinks that we are "just friends"

So thats OK with me.....

I have the full freedom to have whatever feelings i have for her... Because they are very beautiful

Thank you for reading this.

All is well now.

Meeting Someone Special

Lets call her "Rain".

In marathi , i have nicknamed her-"Paaus". Thats one of my favourite marathi words:"Paaus".

This monsoon was one of the most unforgettable rainy seasons of my life. I think i have an intuition power. If i am very composed, sometimes i can tell that whether it's going to rain or not. I can predict whats going to happen. Sometimes.

I knew it was her. I had seen her in the college some times but never thought that she will come in my life. She is from another department. Even though i have contact with girls from all over the college, i never got into a situation for 3 years of my life in BDCOE that i could speak to her.

That day a common friend of ours called me and said that one friend of hers wanted to join the Friends Book Club. Something clicked inside me that very moment. That very moment i realized that its gonna rain now.Somehow, i knew it was her.

I walked into her classroom and couldn't take my eyes off her. she was just wonderful.

i said,"preet".

she said "What?".

Then i realized that i have to speak something earthly and descend back from the heaven, if i wanted to start the conversation.

"My name.My name is preet."

She wanted to join FBC. As usual i forgot to bring the forms.So we decided to meet the next day.

Next day when she handed me the form, her hands were shaking. i dont know why but i felt it was a green signal. i imagined she might have to say something. she too had something in her. i talked to her about our common friends. About my junior college. We found out that she was also in the same junior college in which i was. 5 years in a row. in the same institution. Yet our paths never crossed!! i wondered why had life sent her to me now??Now, when everything is gonna end in the next 6 months??

I always send a welcome message to the new club members. i also sent her one. On that evening she replied me "Thanks".

I was stunned. In the past 1 year of the club, i hardly remember anyone who thanked me for making them members.i told this to her. She said" i m one of those few people."

Yes. She is one of those people.

We talked about studies, project etc. I took her as i would have taken any other normal girl ....just talking about academics and all....I told her that i had the seminar on my project after some days.

It was 24th July, my Moms Bday, and my seminar. I was preparing for it and suddenly i got a sms in my inbox.

"Hey! Best of Luck for the seminar."

Vibrations set into my whole body. My brain started feeling as if all the strain was taken away. I started feeling my breath. She was the first one to wish me Best luck.I fell flat for her since that very day.

She has descended into my life as a shower descends and brings cool breeze with it. It makes the environment so vibrant that you start loving your breathing process. You start to breathe as much cool air as possible. You start feeling that you are alive. The next two months were full of beauty for me.The contact grew very slowly.And i started becoming compatible with her...(bcoz i fell compatible with very few girls personally and those girls fell that i m nuts..)...

And i dont know when......i got attached to her...

Started waiting for her sms', sent her beautiful thoughts and poetry...

And then i started feeling....sweet....so sweet....

Whenever i thought about her, i went in to trance. The thoughts which came to me ,when i started expressing myself to her, were coming from some other world.they were not earthly. On days i would just watch rain and think of her. Or i got wet each time it would rain, just because she had told me that she loved rain.I too, liked rains. But i started living in them after she told me that she too had love for them.Each time she talked to me it was like somebody is putting sugar in my head and stirring it slowly. her name was so sweet that i felt cadbury dissolving on my toungue each time i said it.

The next two months, Rain came as she wished. She would then make me completely drenched, each time i went to her.When she wasn't there, there was a cloud around me. i lived in the cloud. the cloud which was the reminder of Rain. Reminder that she will come.

When in the cloud i started feeling at rest. I started feeling that i had got, what i was waiting for.Such a beautiful and subtle that cloud was that u couldnt do anything else but just be in it.

i knew that if i tried to catch it, it will go. It will vanish forever.

What i feared for, happened some days ago.

I tried to catch the cloud and keep it with me. I told her that i had the fear that i might lose her. I did something silly which made the cloud go. And i was left crippled, as if a tree had been uprooted from the earth. I cried. God knows, for what reason.

TIME

i have been always fooled by time. this thing slips so fast someday and on others it seems to be dead to move a moment ahead. these last two months were the ones which flew away so fast. the last time i posted something on this page was so different. it was the month of may....hot sun outside, hot winds, even the nights were so unbearable. but as now i sit to write, cool breeze is blowing and the sun is shining among the clouds and illuminating my room so lively. it has been raining beautifully since the last two three days, and the weather has been so pleasant and romantic. sometimes i stand at some place outside and wonder that just two months back this place was just arid, lifeless, faint yellow in colour. the ground had cracks on it. the people fully covered there body to avoid the sun, even the plants looked dull and the birds worried. but now the same place is covered with green grass, the grey clouds shower all whatevere they have and the very same place looks like a hill station. every drop of rain is so refreshing that i cant resist to go out in rain each time it is pouring. the air has a beautiful scent....a scent forgotten...a fragrance gone unnoticed for years, but still lingering in the recess of my memory..... memory of the last thousands of years....the fragrance of newness.

Time changes everything. time is what makes us bored, time is what fills us with enthu. time is what makes some unknown people our best friends..and time is what makes them go away.

time is what introduces u to some beautiful face...a face,whenever it smiles, u forget all your worries and tensions.......time is what makes you realize that now its time to stand up and fight.....

.to let go away things which are bothering u......and rise once again.

sometimes i think that i have never grown up. i still feel that i m in 12th standard. yesterday i was writing something very fast and unconsciously, in a haste i put on the date- 7th july 2006.

this happens many times. this may be a proof that i still live in the past. it is a very pitiable state when u discover that the past has not left u. u are still holding things. the people who hurt u, the people whom u hurt at some point. the words unsaid to someone and the mistakes committed. sometimes, these all things come together.

anyway, i have been hit by a new idea to promote friends book club. now what i m doing is sending 1 aptitude massage to the members daily. the college is mad for aptitude as the placements are now to begin. everyone is solving aptitude questions like never before. and i am sending them aptitude messages. we have also arranged for placement papers of the ITcompanies like satyam and mahindratech,infosys etc. and this has been a HIT.more members are coming and that is a good thing for us as we wil be making money on continuous basis now.each paper costs them only 2-3 rs. and they will be giving at least 20 papers this session. so the deal is very good and affordable for them. we take only 30 rs from the old memvers and 60 rs from the new members.

we have been working very hard these days. chottu got acidity that day due to less sleep. he was out there to sam's home taking print outs all the night. we had to search for the apti papers on the net.they were available there but the ones with complete solutions and keys were not available. so we spent at least 30 hours in the last 4 days working continuously on papers searching , editing , troubleshooting and editing... and the end product were beautiful 20 sets of placement papers of different companies which will help both the students of our college in developing them and us by filling our pockets.

we have decided to save all the money which will come from this session coz we literally spent all the earnings of the club in enjoyment or buying new books.that day we made a rough balance sheet and found that we were running the business on a no profit no loss basis. so we decided that now it's TIME to save.

our final year project has been decided and i have decided to work on ewaste recycling...hot topic...other classmates are searching for the project on the internet. i too did this foolish thing sometimes then i realized that this is not my way.

so on a beautiful evening i sat in my gallery for some time seeing the deep blue sky and feeling the cool breeze blowing. then i closed my eyes and then this project on e waste came to my mind.so now i have got something to spend time and this project will be of great significance to me.Rutuja was reluctant to do this project...but i was able to convince her... isaid that "tu tension mat le ,mai hu na." to which she replied"usi ka to tension hai."

anyway, she will learn with time......... ;)